why I am learning the things I hated...for fun

Hate is a strong word, but inflexibility is a life sentence under maximum security.

Over the summer, I have been trying to juggle college applications, work, and preparing for senior year. I have also been working on breaking my mental rigidity. As an aspiring neuroscience/public health major who may minor in journalism or anthropology (at this point what options did I leave out?), I don't put the science I learn into practice. Neuroplasticity is a term well integrated into public knowledge, but its magnitude remains incomprehensible. In response to new experiences, our brains alter how they structure existing neural pathways, forging new connections which allow us enhanced adaptability. We can store memories, recover from illness, and engage in learning because our brains are wired for growth.

Yes; I was once a shy student who was encouraged to participate in debate and public speaking so I could become more confident. But I didn't join debate, and I feared public speaking until I decided to sign up for a Ted Talk at my school in my sophomore year. Giving that Ted Talk terrified me, but I learned that not all introverts are public speaking 'deficient' - not all drivers who start late (me!) will be terrors on the road. Not all struggling students will need support throughout their lives.

Discovering my "Why" and Why We Fear Taking Risks

Let's backtrack to how resentment and aversion develops. If you find grasping certain mathematical concepts difficult, it's just not your 'thing' and every career involving math is off limits. If you cannot write a literary analysis, forget about pursuing academia. And if you don't optimize your hobbies, you are now an aimless student with no objective passion. These verbal reinforcements often instill hate for that specific field of study or skills because they become associated with negative self esteem. We are encouraged to limit our interactions with subjects we are weaker in so we can seek validation from elsewhere. And yet, I decided I would rather challenge my restrictions.

Finding the Motivation

A few weeks ago, I thought I'd make the most of my summer by throwing myself into new hobbies. Besides learning how to drive, I thought I might take a risk and explore skills I was intimidated by. Learning how to code was high on my list because there is a buzz around Python, a lucrative language that is beneficial for data analysis. I also wanted to practice viola every day and learn Hindi (the language my parents and grandparents grew up speaking).

Taking on this challenge required a small albeit consistent commitment. Every afternoon when I am scrolling on social media, I remind myself: you haven't practiced coding. Your Hindi lesson is waiting on your desk. That viola case is staring at you from across the living room. Committing to growth and embracing flexibility needs discipline, which may seem counterintuitive but in fact relies on where we draw motivation. If a teacher or parent nags at us to finish an assignment or complete summer enrichment, we would rather do anything but listen. Advice works to an extent, but intrinsic motivation strengthens discipline.

Intrinsic motivation shifted my approach towards setting goals. I wasn't learning Hindi for external validation but so I could connect with my culture and communicate better with my grandparents. Studying ahead for rigorous physics and math classes was not something I was eager to accomplish, but I know looking over the syllabus and working on tough problems will improve my classroom performance. After I reflected on why what I was pursuing mattered, showing up consistently was no longer overwhelming.

Routines

How might a stressed, sleep-deprived student work on establishing a productive summer schedule? My first step is integrating feasible tasks throughout my day rather than timeblocking. When I began practicing viola on a regular basis, I dreaded my 45-minute long timeblocked session at 3pm. As a result, I would burn out halfway and abandon the practice. Many hobbies I attempted lost progress in similar trajectories-- start off strong, forget your initial goals, and view routine as punishment. Media has led us towards excessive consumption, which is often marketed as elaborate planners or curated study strategies. When I could barely keep up with one schedule, I grew frustrated with my poor time management and procrastination.

Then, I turned to my sister for a fresh perspective. She works out almost every day, and I am in awe of her diligence. "Where do you get the motivation?" I asked, and she shrugged.

"I don't do the same things every day. That way, I'm never bored."

Now, I practice my instrument for 15 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes in the afternoon. More often than not, I end up practicing longer and with improved focus.

Expecting Results?

Goals are not meant to reflect your self worth. They don't mark the individual's progress but can motivate them so they might explore hidden talents. Not every skill needs to be about mastery or pursuing perfection. In my case, I doubt mini lessons in Hindi or 45-minute sessions with my instrument will elevate my performance to mastery. That was never my intention. Reconnecting with myself and what I love requires discomfort, prompting flexibility instead of storing resentment. By sorting out my commitments and trying my hand at skills I thought I was ill-suited for, I am redefining my boundaries. I am growing to understand my brain and its capabilities.

Each step forward is enough. Inflexibility is common among humans, which is ironic with our brain's immense potential for change and adaptation. Each step forward is enough when we begin testing rigid foundations.