Rejection Scrapbook & Junior Year Life Update

Admittedly, it has been a while since I last posted, though time has a tendency to outpace our readiness for change. To be honest, my creativity levels are pretty much on par with pooled wax stubs on a scented candle from the holidays. But I have returned nonetheless to provide another entertaining entry for junior year's time capsule. Considering that it is May and therefore AP/IB exam season, I thought I'd allocate some precious time for self reflection on my progress and setbacks.

Despite the academic overhaul and chronic burnout plaguing this year, I learned a lot and had many memorable experiences. Junior year has been my favorite year of high school thus far, and I cannot wait for exams to be over! I wasn't the biggest fan of sophomore year. Mentally and physically, I was at a low and getting through those challenges is helping me push through these new ones. After all, every bad moment ends. We have survived all our bad days so far and I am confident we can continue doing so.

Still, rejection stings. I've been applying for summer programs since February and did not get accepted into any. Looking back on my essays, I see places where I could have improved. I was frustrated with my stalled progress and battled impostor syndrome for weeks on end, comparing myself to my peers who seemed to navigate academics effortlessly. Now I understand that some sentences could have been fitted with awkward transitions or didn't hold enough relevance. My test scores could have fell short of a certain threshold. In a society so dead set on working ourselves to the ground so we can optimize our growth.

As someone who aspires to pursue a career in the sciences, I get defeated when I can't grasp certain concepts even after reviewing for exams. Thinking about the future is unavoidable, and moving past setbacks are tricky to navigate because we push for unrealistic standards.

So, I decided to share two rejected essay excerpts with you all. Not out of self pity or frustration, but because I put some genuine work into these statements and acknowledge they need more work. Keeping a record does not need to be because we are projecting shame or anything inflammatory. Sometimes, the only way to let things go is letting them exist in a quiet internet pocket.

Here we go then :) I hope you all survive your exams and maybe treat yourselves after.

Research Internship Rejected Essay (one of many, but I also sent multiple cold emails- for your sake I decided to copy the shortest and weakest essays I wrote, haha)

If only I could be as nonchalant

Personalized medicine can redefine healthcare and improve patient prognosis on an exponential level. Medicinal biotechnology is the path to a future where treatment options are tailored toward each patient’s needs. Biotechnology is where we begin to understand the intricacies of the human body and how our genetics influence our personalities.

The mind-body connection is complex and new evidence has emerged in research that emphasizes the importance of interdisciplinary science. Broadening our approach to counter healthcare disparities and the opportunity gap is a prevalent obstacle in today’s world, but I am interested in biotech because of its potential for innovation. According to a 2023 analysis, the market for biotech was valued at 1.55 trillion USD that year. Medicine and biology are entering new eras, and increased efficiency is on the horizon if we continue researching new developments. We are adding truth to science fiction.

I aspire to pursue a career in neurology, but I am also interested in global healthcare and how technological solutions such as telehealth can foster connection among different communities. Conducting research will allow me to bridge different scientific disciplines, like psychology and artificial intelligence.

As a journalist, published author and hospital lab assistant, research is important to me because of its universality. Science grants us the opportunity to discover how our brains function, which is why the biosciences are fascinating. With research experience aided by mentors, I will build essential problem solving and collaborative skills for a career in medicine. Stepping into unfamiliar situations and demonstrating consistency toward a long-lasting project is the foundation for resilience. In a research setting, asking questions is encouraged, which is an environment I appreciate. In the future, I hope to participate and lead neuropsychology explorations, so this experience will be both transformational and inspiring.

Writing Mentorship Rejected Essay Excerpt

Live footage of the thought process

I started writing to feel understood, and now I write to understand. It seems as though I have waited an eternity for someone to tap me on the shoulder and tell me what I should stand for, where I should be going, and who I am destined to become. When I wrote mostly fiction, I would explore different worlds and outfit myself with unique personalities. I thought all creative writing was fueled by a desire to validate experiences so they could retain some permanence. Growing a vocabulary, learning how to use grammatical conventions, and curating a distinct voice didn’t resonate with me because I wrote so I could understand why. I was writing to a future version of myself who had to understand everything about adulthood and identity. 

Disillusioned by what I thought writing should be, I would crank out creative pieces as if they were emails. Letting go of that mindset will take time, but it is a process I am thrilled to continue working toward because writing is where I can create a quiet space. Writing is an outlet where I can forge connections through communication, like texting  an old friend about a memory we shared or sending a kind note to that stranger who hasn’t felt like themselves for a while. With time, I am beginning to realize that my desire to write is both for myself and for my community—whether it is through journalism, verse, or a narrative essay. Human emotions are a palette. I would rather explore, probe, and experiment with my emotions rather than succumb to their complexity.

In my mind writing is an incessant pulse, but in a document or journal my thoughts are fragmented. If I have a story in mind, the logical procedure is to begin with an outline. A character profile, then a plot summary, then a moodboard with organized notes on every transition where I will put my creations through unspeakable misery so they can learn. 

Carving out time for myself to idle on a blinking cursor feels scandalous. Hustle culture’s toxicity has dominated societal expectations, and I am trying (often failing) to protest its encroachment. Sitting with my wandering thoughts prompts me to self-reflect.  A blank page promotes interdisciplinary thinking, forces me to sit with myself and stare at the crevasses where I attempt to make meaning from my environment. My latest writing project is an ode to fragments. Fragmented conversations, abandoned prose poems, and journal entries aplenty are left unfinished in the trenches of my google drive..... end of the excerpt